Satire Again

For your reading pleasure, here's another satire news story I wrote. Again, I don't know why The Onion won't return my many calls, emails, tweets, letters, and ransom notes. (And I have to find some use for the skills I acquired on my high school newspaper staff.)

High School Student Defies Convention with Unusual Prom Date

Leeman, IN — Doing his own thing has never been difficult for Leeman High School student, Steven Vallas. So when the idea hit him to ask a rather unusual date to his high school prom, he never questioned it. He simply sent an email, explaining his situation and what he was hoping it would prove to the community. And when the invitee received the message, it was with more than a little trepidation.

"I remember thinking to myself, 'Is he serious?'" said the unconventional prom date. "But after talking to him and realizing his intent, I was totally on-board. And now I'm really excited about it! I've heard that prom is a big deal in Leeman."

To make sure there weren't any problems on the big night, Steven met with school officials. He assured Leeman Principal Peter Krenek that he wasn't just trying to be different. He thought it would be good to show the people of Leeman what it meant to do something for the right reasons.

"When I first spoke to Steven, I laughed. I actually thought he was making a joke," said Krenek. "But we talked at length and now that I see where he's coming from, it makes perfect sense. We're going to allow him to bend the rules on this one. We figured one exception couldn't hurt."

But an exception like that can cause quite a stir in a community like Leeman, as school officials found out the following week. Krenek states that no less than 15 students have come to him with similar requests. And he's had to deny each of them categorically.

"Explaining how Steven's request is different is a little hard for the students to take. Everyone wants to be the exception, and it just wouldn't work. I mean, can you imagine if there were 16 students with dates like that?" Krenek chuckled, shaking his head. "Utter chaos."

Most students have shown there support of the symbolic gesture. Senior Kimberley Molney is one of them.

"I think it's just great. It really shows the kind of person Steven is, to think outside the box and take a stand for something he believes in," said Molney. "And while I think the prom photo they take may be a little strange, I think it'll be great for Leeman to see something like that for a change."

For Vallas and his unusual date, this will likely be an unforgettable prom. And for the schoolmates and parents who haven't heard the news yet, it may be even more unforgettable. But Krenek assures everyone that it will be under control.

"We expect a bit of a backlash for the people who don't know yet," said Krenek. "But we'll have a specialized team of counselors and medics on hand to attend to anyone who succumbs to the initial shock in a more direct way. Still, we think it'll be a fun night."