Top Ten Things My Older Brother Learned Recently

10. Collecting items that other people knowingly and purposely throw away is not a hobby. It's just gross.

9. Reduced fat peanut butter does not add a little touch of flavor to coffee. What it ends up doing is breaking up into pellet-sized clumps that you forget about until your last cold swig from the cup.

8. A tickle fight is not an acceptable locker room activity.

7. Attempting to perform a citizen's arrest can and will get your face punched.

6. Beggars can't be choosers, but a one-legged homeless person with a cardboard sign that says, "Help me get back on my foot" can earn some serious cash.

5. No matter how sarcastic you say it, the words "that's how I roll" will not make you seem funny or cool.

4. Even native speakers sound like they're still learning English when they try to correctly pronounce the word "sixths."

3. The average person does not know that the correct phrase is "I couldn't care less." Most people will say, "I could care less." And that doesn't make any sense.

2. Introducing your wife as your "first wife" is not appropriate.

1. You should never ask a person what their gender is.