I mentioned a while back that there are a lot of things I do that I'm simultaneously proud of and ashamed of. They're those things that you would love to brag about, but the only person who would be proud of you would be your clone. So you end up not sharing them. Well, it's time to share them anyway.
I have 74 of the 79 achievements available in Halo 3, the video game. It's taken me over a year to accumulate all of them, and the other five are within reach. I only know one person who has all of them (and he still lives with his parents' so I'm not gonna count him). So I'm maybe a month away from getting all of them done. And the one I did most recently was my Perfection medal on a Mythic map. I got a Running Riot just before the game ended (and maybe three people who read this will know what that means). I jumped up and fist-pumped in front of my recliner. But I had no one to call or brag to. It was sad. No one cares about that stuff except my online friends (and yes, I realize that the term "online friends" is one of the saddest things I've ever written). I wouldn't expect my wife to care. In fact, I would be sad if she cared. I purposely avoided marrying a girl gamer. I'd prefer people to say, "How did Taylor get such a pretty girl to marry him?" rather than "Why doesn't Taylor's wife wash her hair?" Plus, I try not to discuss my video game prowess with her as it tends to lead to marital regret (marital regret = 2 parts eye-rolling + 1 part panicked second-guessing of her proposal acceptance).
The other thing I recently felt the shame/pride combination for was using my empty toothpaste tube five extra times. I was proud because I didn't have to buy toothpaste for an extra two and a half days. But I was ashamed because I spent so much time squeezing and massaging and pounding that little tube just to get a pea-sized amount of Colgate. I saved about a nickel. Not really worth the effort. But I feel good that I got five more uses out of it.
Most of the other things I'm ashamed/proud of are bits of trivia that I remember. I hear a lot of people say, "It's sad that you know that." For example, did you know that the longest word you can type with your left hand on a QWERTY keyboard is "stewardesses"? Or that the longest word with your right hand is "lollipop". Go ahead, try it. It's a weird feeling to let one hand relax for so many consecutive letters. And for those of you (old people) who do the hunt-and-peck typing approach, today is the day you finally regret never learning. Because you're missing out.