Alright, I'm callin' it. With one day of work left this week and no motivation at all, I'm just gonna stop blogging for the rest of 2010. I'd really be forcing it if I tried to think of funny stories for even one more day. And if I try, I'm just gonna over-promise and under-deliver, and nobody wants that.
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
And... Break!
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
String Theory
My older brother called me today to complain about something. And it's one of those things that never bothered me before, but now it's really bothering me. He said he was driving behind a Tombstone pizza distribution truck, and the back doors had an enlarged picture of a finished pizza. And he noticed (as I have a thousand times without realizing it) that the pizza was cut, but the cheese was still attached to the pizza and stretching out as the piece was pulled off (see below for an example of this).
And he said that normally this wouldn't bother him. But he was stuck behind that truck for a good 35 minutes because it was a winding two-lane road. So he had to keep staring at that pizza slice. And he sat there trying to imagine a scenario where you cut a pizza and the cheese still strings off like that. The way he figured it, there were two possibilities.
First, the pizza could have been cut from the bottom. That would allow you to cut the crust underneath while leaving the pizza untouched on top. But that would mean using some sort of anti-gravity oven or flipping the pizza over to cut it. At the very least, that seems highly unlikely. And the other option is that after cutting the pizza, the temperature is still so high that the cheese remelts into a solid topping. But considering how fast my frozen pizzas cool off, I don't consider that very likely either.
So the only conclusion I can get from this (unless I'm missing something here) is that the Tombstone Pizza people are lying cheats who use false advertising. I thought about boycotting them for that, but then I realized I'd have to boycott all the pizza companies. Because I can't remember ever seeing a pizza advertised without the cheese melt string thing included in it.
And he said that normally this wouldn't bother him. But he was stuck behind that truck for a good 35 minutes because it was a winding two-lane road. So he had to keep staring at that pizza slice. And he sat there trying to imagine a scenario where you cut a pizza and the cheese still strings off like that. The way he figured it, there were two possibilities.
First, the pizza could have been cut from the bottom. That would allow you to cut the crust underneath while leaving the pizza untouched on top. But that would mean using some sort of anti-gravity oven or flipping the pizza over to cut it. At the very least, that seems highly unlikely. And the other option is that after cutting the pizza, the temperature is still so high that the cheese remelts into a solid topping. But considering how fast my frozen pizzas cool off, I don't consider that very likely either.
So the only conclusion I can get from this (unless I'm missing something here) is that the Tombstone Pizza people are lying cheats who use false advertising. I thought about boycotting them for that, but then I realized I'd have to boycott all the pizza companies. Because I can't remember ever seeing a pizza advertised without the cheese melt string thing included in it.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Clean And Clear
I guess I should have updated you guys on my hearing situation. I mentioned a few posts back that there was an issue with my ear, and I couldn't hear out of it. So I went to a clinic and got it taken care of. I'll spare the details, but basically it was a build up of earwax and they cleaned my out with some contraption that shoots water into your brain at high speeds. Well, at least that's what it felt like.
But I won't complain about that. Regaining my ability to hear was worth the discomfort of having cold water shot into my ear. Although it was strange how dizzy I got just from them unclogging it. It made me lightheaded and a little nauseated. It was like I'd just spun around in my office chair 65 times (trust me, I know what that feels like). But again… not complaining about that.
However, I will complain about one thing. If you're a doctor, nurse, physician's assistant, or some other version of a medical professional, then please remember this. If someone comes in seeking medical attention and the first thing they tell you is that they can't hear out of their right ear, don't sit on their right side and mumble your way through the appointment. It's very mean and kinda stupid.
The guy helping me out kept asking me questions about what was going on. But he wouldn't speak up and he wouldn't talk to my left side. It was one of the most frustrating things I've ever experienced. If it was on purpose to mess with me then kudos to him. But if he did it accidentally, he's just dumb. And that concerns me. I felt like I was in an appointment with Charlie Brown's teacher. Everything he said sounded like "wah wah wah."
Anyway, the good news is I can hear again. No verdict yet on whether I'll develop super-hearing. But I'll keep everyone posted.
But I won't complain about that. Regaining my ability to hear was worth the discomfort of having cold water shot into my ear. Although it was strange how dizzy I got just from them unclogging it. It made me lightheaded and a little nauseated. It was like I'd just spun around in my office chair 65 times (trust me, I know what that feels like). But again… not complaining about that.
However, I will complain about one thing. If you're a doctor, nurse, physician's assistant, or some other version of a medical professional, then please remember this. If someone comes in seeking medical attention and the first thing they tell you is that they can't hear out of their right ear, don't sit on their right side and mumble your way through the appointment. It's very mean and kinda stupid.
The guy helping me out kept asking me questions about what was going on. But he wouldn't speak up and he wouldn't talk to my left side. It was one of the most frustrating things I've ever experienced. If it was on purpose to mess with me then kudos to him. But if he did it accidentally, he's just dumb. And that concerns me. I felt like I was in an appointment with Charlie Brown's teacher. Everything he said sounded like "wah wah wah."
Anyway, the good news is I can hear again. No verdict yet on whether I'll develop super-hearing. But I'll keep everyone posted.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Blah
This late in the year and this close to Christmas makes it very hard to get motivated for anything productive. And my definition of "productive" seems to broaden considerably. So I haven't shaved in a while. And I've been too lazy to wait for my PC to shut down (I just hold the button down). And it's even creeping into my blogging. Because I have little to no desire to attempt blog humor right now.
So instead, enjoy the picture of a ninja I've hidden on this page (don't waste your time, ninjas are invisible).
So instead, enjoy the picture of a ninja I've hidden on this page (don't waste your time, ninjas are invisible).
Monday, December 20, 2010
It's A Trap!
My older brother and I wear the same type of Hanes undershirts. But he wears one size smaller than me because he's not a fatty. Well, I accidentally took one of his when we visited him a couple of weeks ago and I didn't realize it. So my wife washed it with the rest of the whites, and I tried to put it on this morning. And I thought I had gained 25 pounds while I slept. I got it over my head, but my arms got caught when I tried to pull it down.
And then I got in a position where I had to either stretch out the shirt or ask my wife for help. So to avoid the embarrassment of having to be assisted out of a piece of clothing, I kept struggling. It was like a Chinese finger trap for my torso. The more I fought, the more I became entrapped, until finally I dislocated my shoulder and escaped the clutches of the evil shirt.
And since it was early in the morning, my brain wasn't working. It took me another five minutes to figure out what happened. I knew I hadn't gained that much weight overnight. So I thought maybe my internal organs were swelling or something. It felt like I was trying to remove a powerful anaconda or octopus from my body. I never want to go through that again.
And then I got in a position where I had to either stretch out the shirt or ask my wife for help. So to avoid the embarrassment of having to be assisted out of a piece of clothing, I kept struggling. It was like a Chinese finger trap for my torso. The more I fought, the more I became entrapped, until finally I dislocated my shoulder and escaped the clutches of the evil shirt.
And since it was early in the morning, my brain wasn't working. It took me another five minutes to figure out what happened. I knew I hadn't gained that much weight overnight. So I thought maybe my internal organs were swelling or something. It felt like I was trying to remove a powerful anaconda or octopus from my body. I never want to go through that again.
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