... my wife would be able prove that she has more friends than me.
... people from high school could hide their shock at my 75-pound weight gain since graduation.
... most of my friends would only talk to me on my birthday.
... I could conveniently sort my friends into groups and categorically ignore the annoying ones.
... the awkwardness of ending a friendship would be gone.
... I could control what I look like or avoid being seen altogether.
... my stalker would never have been caught and imprisoned.
... I could be part of a group without attending a meeting, paying dues, or caring the least bit about their "cause".
... I would know instantly when one of my friends made a new friend.
... I could say, "I like this," and leave it at that. No questions asked.