Thursday, May 19, 2011

Let The Good Times Roll

If you ever want to feel like an idiot, do what I did today. Drop a roll of toilet paper when there's someone else in the bathroom at work. And make sure it hits your foot and rolls under the stall door and goes 15 feet to the other side of the bathroom and stops at the paper towels. But be sure it rolls so that it rolls off the roll as it travels, leaving a 15 foot train of toilet paper as it goes. Then, instead of just leaving it there, try to pull it back by end you're still holding. It won't come back to you, but it'll roll in place while you collect a giant wad of paper. That'll ensure that it rolls right on out the door.

Then, just to make sure you've thoroughly embarrassed yourself, make sure to speak to the person that now thinks you're a moron. And don't just say, "Sorry." Begin a ridiculous conversation with your unnecessary explanation. In fact, say exactly what I said, "Sorry. That got away from me. It bounced right off my foot!" And then, when it dawns on you that they might try to return it, say, "But don't worry about it.  I'll pick it up when I get out. There's another roll in here, so I don't need that one."

Also, make sure your voice cracks when you nervously say all that. And make sure one of your legs is asleep so when you try to stand up a minute later, you almost fall down. And be certain that your name badge is clipped to your belt during the entire episode so it's visible under the wall when this goes down.

There you go. That should be all you need to know.  Now you're guaranteed to be completely humiliated. Just trust me on this one.

2 comments:

Jennifer said...

I'm glad to now know how to deal with such a "hypothetical" situation.

Be glad this hasn't happened to you. *tries to stifle the uncontrolled snickering*

Leah said...

bahahhahahaha! oh man... so good.