Thursday, November 17, 2011

Don't Do This

When I was in high school, I had a few low-grade crushes.  I wasn't obsessed with any particular girl, but there were a few female friends I wished I could impress into liking me.  And in case you haven't ever read my blog, let me give you some insight.  I am not charming, handsome, athletic, or outgoing in any way.  And I was even less of those things when I was in high school.  I was also way too self-aware when it came to interacting with people. ("Do I always breathe like this?!" "What are my arms supposed to be doing right now?")  So I didn't have a lot going for me.  You throw in the fact that I was driving a 1994 Geo Prism, and my prospects were limited ("limited" = nonexistent).

So one day, I was driving past a park near my house.  And I saw a girl from school that I thought was cute.  She was jogging on the path near the road.  And I thought to myself, "Taylor, this is your chance!  You can come across as friendly and slightly interested without embarrassing yourself!"  So I rolled down the passenger window (manually) and honked as I passed her.  I think my original plan was just to honk, wave, and move on.  And at some point I decided to call out her name in case she didn't know I was addressing her.  So as I leaned toward the window to yell, "Hey Sarah!" I stopped paying very close attention to the road.  In fact, I pretty much forgot I was driving.

So as I waved and yelled her name, I let go of the steering wheel.  Lucky for her, I only hopped the curb and skidded to a stop in the grass (no physical harm done).  Unlucky for me, I skidded to a stop about 10 feet from her (tons of emotional harm done).  And thanks to the proximity, she got a good look at my face (meaning I couldn't hide and stay anonymous).  She stopped jogging long enough to stare at me with her eyes wide and her mouth shut.  Then she slowly turned and continued jogging (a lot faster).  And we never spoke again.

So if you're looking for advice on how to impress a girl you like, I've got some for you.  If at all possible, try to avoid almost killing her with your car.  I'm sure there's more to it than that, but that's pretty much all I learned about girls while I was in high school.

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