Apparently if you grow a beard, lose 5 pounds, and get a haircut, people will think you've lost a ton of weight. Because I saw one of my wife's aunts this past weekend and her first question was, "Taylor, how'd you lose so much weight?" And I just saw her like three weeks ago, so I know it's not one of those "I-haven't-seen-you-in-three-years-but-I-remember-you-being-a-lot-fatter" scenarios.
I am just as violent if awakened unexpectedly by children jumping on my back as I am if awakened by an older brother playing a prank on me. And my brother-in-law is not happy with the bruise my fist left on my nephew's cheek (though one could argue he had it coming with the way he landed knees-down on me at 7:00 in the morning on a Saturday).
If you tell people that your daughter's name, although spelled "Madeleine" is actually pronounced "Medallion" they'll believe you. They'll silently judge you, but they'll believe you.
Not everyone thinks it's as funny as I do that I put a McDonald's sticker on my Bible that says, "Double-Checked for Accuracy".
Referring to my wife as my "life partner" seems to be funny to everyone except my wife.
Blog post lists look better when sorted from longest paragraph to shortest.