His Facebook Statuses
"Parenting Lesson #264: A high five is not a good way to congratulate your four-year old son for remembering to cover his mouth when he sneezes."
"I'm fat. Don't try to sugar-coat it, because I'll eat that too."
His Bumpersticker Ideas
"ADWL - Dyslexics Who Like Acronyms"
"I never mispell."
His T-shirt Idea
Front of the shirt:
"Proud member of the 'Guys Who Are Too Fat To Wear Shirts With A Lot Of Writing On Them Because The Shirt Is Never Flat Enough To Read It All At Once And You Can't Read The Whole Thing As You Drive Past Them At The Bus Stop' Club"Back of the shirt:
(And I realize that he may have stolen some of these ideas. So don't blame me if you've heard it before. Blame my older brother for being a liar.)