Monday, December 13, 2010

Relax, It's Just Air

I found out recently that not everyone can make themselves burp. It's a simple thing if you know how to do it. You just swallow a little bit of air and then pull it back up before it makes it to your stomach. I didn't realize that people couldn't do that. I just assumed that most people chose not to do it because it's gross. But as gross a talent as self-induced burping is, it's quite useful at times. In fact, I'll go ahead and give you two scenarios where it's very helpful.

The first scenario is when you feel a burp in your chest that just won't come out. It's that one where you duck your chin to your chest and then stretch your neck to try to coax it out, but it just sits there like a lump of air that's caught next to your heart. Those of us blessed with the gift of self-induced burping can swallow air and send it down to the trapped air. Then they fuse together and shoot back up your esophagus. I call this one the "rescue burp" because it acts just like a rescue worker when someone is trapped in a well or a collapsed building.

The more impressive scenario is when you want to really gross out your wife. This one has a more personal meaning to me because I've employed it for great use in the past. What I'll do is start off by complaining about some stomach pain. And I'll tell my wife that I don't feel so good. And I'll start to get up from my seat and say, "Oh no." And then, right as I get up, I'll turn my head and release a giant self-induced burp that shakes the walls. But I'll also add a little groan to it. The resulting effect is a very realistic vomiting sound. It's quite convincing (my wife usually tries to jump out of the way of the impending splatter). It's only funny for a few moments though, because it's always followed by a nice little fight about pranking people and how mean it is to do that to one's spouse.


Kathleen said...

I cannot make myself burp. I also cannot whistle. I obviously am very limited in my talents.

Lynnette said...

I can't make myself burp. As a matter of fact, I rarely burp at all (like a grand total for my entire life is likely less than 20). However, our son learned the self-induced burp when he was 5. He then taught this to his 4-year-old sister. She then used this trick the other day (in my ear) to try and get my attention while I was on the phone. Good times.
On a somewhat burp-related note, my dad taught me as a very young child how to open my throat so I could drink without swallowing. He taught me with glass bottles of Pepsi. This leads to two thoughts. 1. What did that do to my tummy since I wasn't a burper? and 2. How do you relearn how to do that? I think it sounds terribly fun to try now, but I'm too scared I'll drown myself.