I Give Up

Fine, I'll admit it... the last post was about me. I hate looking stupid, okay? Is that really such a crime? And once again I failed. And once again it was in an elevator. I had an unopened Rockstar energy drink in my hand and reached to hit the button for my floor. And on any other day I would probably be alone on the elevator. But today it had four other people in it. So I reached for the button and my gripped loosened. The Rockstar slid from my fingers in slow motion and gravity took it. And in hindsight, I realize I should have just let it drop. It was unopened, so the worse thing that could have happened was a dented can and a loud noise. But I didn't just let it drop. I tried to save it.

And in the next 4 seconds I went from the guy who dropped something in the elevator to the idiot who lost his mind in the elevator. I started by throwing my other hand under the can. And I managed to get underneath it, and then tried to grip again, only to fail again. But I'd at least changed the direction it was going. So as it flipped back up through the air, I tried to cradle it with both hands as I leaned against the side wall. But it was wet and I was nervous in front of my suddenly-captivated audience. So it bounced off my hands and hit the buttons, lighting up a floor that nobody needed. Then I grabbed at it again and tried to pin it against the wall. But I still couldn't grip it, so it bounced loudly off the wall and cascaded to the floor. At which point a slightly embarrassed, normal person would have let it go. But not me. I stuck my foot out, trying to slow it down. Only to have it smash my toe and hit the ground anyway as I winced in pain and lost my balance. So I almost fell down, then I had to bend down and pick up my destroyed can.

The guy behind me suggested (without so much as a smile) that I should probably wait to open the can. Then we all stood staring into an empty hallway when the doors opened on the third floor (thanks to my Rockstar hitting the button), and I felt like an even bigger idiot. So on the way out today, I'm gonna see if that's the floor where I left my dignity. Because I can't seem to find it anywhere.