Wednesday, March 9, 2011

You're Hired!

A few months ago, my company was hiring an intern.  And I thought it would be funny to anonymously submit a resume to my boss with ridiculous accolades and skills.  I never owned up to it, and I used a fake name.  So my boss might have thought it was a real submission.  It's a shame an email wasn't sent for an interview.  I would have sent an actor in to play Curtis.  Anyway, I've copied the contents below for your entertainment pleasure.

Curtis T. Wonderbuck

1600 Your Mom St.
Awesome, TX 77777

     Harvard University - Harvard, Puerto Rico
        Masters in High-Kicking
        Ph.D., Reverse Psychology
        Bachelor of Arts, Exuberance
        Bachelor of Science, ChuckNorrisology
        Bachelor of Scientific Arts, Awesomeness

     British Parliament - London, England
        Queen of England August 2001 - Present
             -Acting monarch of British empire.
             -Won 2008 Nobel Peace Prize.
             -Won 2008 Best Dressed Award from MAD magazine.
             -Trained and befriended 64 turtles.
             -Designed a new spaceship that runs on hopes and dreams.
             -Led 25 deaf/mute soldiers in conquest of Western Argentina
             -Utilized and implemented new dress code policy.

     Enron - Houston, TX
        Lead Shredder from November 2004 - August 2001
             -Won award for fastest shredder.
             -Taught secretaries and security guards how to shred stuff.
             -Made tons of money "legally".

-Can fit my entire fist in my mouth.
-Fluent in 86 languages.
-Never make any speling misstakes and I never forget punctuation especially the important ones

References and recommendations available upon request (not really, though).


Terra said...

i can't believe he didn't take it seriously... especially if you are the queen of england!

Anonymous said...

i think we would definitely be friends with curtis. he is so interesting!
so awesome :)
PS- trevor has his 4th/final interview with a Houston company next week!


Robert said...

so funny

Jen said...

U R 2 much!

haha! I hate when people do that! :)