Wednesday, March 9, 2011

You're Hired!

A few months ago, my company was hiring an intern.  And I thought it would be funny to anonymously submit a resume to my boss with ridiculous accolades and skills.  I never owned up to it, and I used a fake name.  So my boss might have thought it was a real submission.  It's a shame an email wasn't sent for an interview.  I would have sent an actor in to play Curtis.  Anyway, I've copied the contents below for your entertainment pleasure.


Curtis T. Wonderbuck

1600 Your Mom St.
Awesome, TX 77777
myolderbrothers@gmail.com

Education
     Harvard University - Harvard, Puerto Rico
        Masters in High-Kicking
        Ph.D., Reverse Psychology
        Bachelor of Arts, Exuberance
        Bachelor of Science, ChuckNorrisology
        Bachelor of Scientific Arts, Awesomeness

Experience
     British Parliament - London, England
        Queen of England August 2001 - Present
             -Acting monarch of British empire.
             -Won 2008 Nobel Peace Prize.
             -Won 2008 Best Dressed Award from MAD magazine.
             -Trained and befriended 64 turtles.
             -Designed a new spaceship that runs on hopes and dreams.
             -Led 25 deaf/mute soldiers in conquest of Western Argentina
             -Utilized and implemented new dress code policy.

     Enron - Houston, TX
        Lead Shredder from November 2004 - August 2001
             -Won award for fastest shredder.
             -Taught secretaries and security guards how to shred stuff.
             -Made tons of money "legally".

Skills
-Can fit my entire fist in my mouth.
-Fluent in 86 languages.
-Never make any speling misstakes and I never forget punctuation especially the important ones

References and recommendations available upon request (not really, though).

4 comments:

Terra said...

i can't believe he didn't take it seriously... especially if you are the queen of england!

Anonymous said...

i think we would definitely be friends with curtis. he is so interesting!
so awesome :)
PS- trevor has his 4th/final interview with a Houston company next week!

~julia

Robert said...

so funny

Jen said...

U R 2 much!

haha! I hate when people do that! :)