Selfish people always talk about all the fun things they'd do if they were rich. And nice people always talk about all the good things they'd do if they were rich. So I'm thinking I must not be selfish or nice. I guess I'm somewhere in between, because I can only ever think of elaborate pranks and stuff like that.
So if I'm ever rich, I'm gonna get a plastic grocery sack and put $50,000 cash in it. Then I'm gonna leave it on the street corner. And I'm gonna record the person who picks it up as they decide whether or not to keep it. And if they turn it in, I'm gonna tell police to wait 30 days and give it back to them. So either way, they end up with fifty grand to spend however they want. Then I'm gonna follow them with a camera as they spend the money. Then I'll sell the rights to the documentary to a major television network and I'll be rich! Wait... I was already rich in this example. I guess I didn't think this one all the way through. Okay, so there's not really a point to that one. But I'd still do it out of curiosity to see what the average person would do with the money.
Here's a better one. I'd make sure none of my family knew I was rich. Then I'd take it in turns to wreck each of their cars when they let me drive them. I'd start with my parents because they're the most trusting. And then when they took them to get them fixed, I'd go in and pay for the damages. Then I'd do the same to my older brother's truck. The one that he hates letting people drive. I'd beg and beg and beg for him to let me drive it and convince him that the last two wrecks were flukes. Then I'd back it into his basketball goal and then Dodge Ram it into a tree. And I'd make sure he was in the truck with me so I could see his face. And I'd make it totally obvious that it wasn't an accident. And I'd laugh maniacally. Then I'd go straight to the car dealership (after I got out of my fist-induced coma) and buy new cars for everyone. Maybe if I call MTV or General Motors, they'll sponsor me. Because now I really want to do that.