All in Good "Fun"

There’s nothing quite like having your own personal movie night (except a nice MLT, mutton-lettuce-and-tomato, where the mutton is nice and lean... they’re so perky, I love that). A giant bowl of popcorn, three gallons of your favorite soda, and all the lights off. And if you get a good movie, it’s really a great night. But if you pick the wrong movie, it seems like a big waste of popcorn and drink. So I try to be really choosy when it comes to watching movies at home.

And I have a lot of movies at my house. I really do take pride in my movie collection. I’ve got all the great classics, too. But, have you ever noticed when you sit down and say, "I’m gonna watch a movie" that all of your movies look really stupid, and they seem like a waste of time? I’m always like, "Man, I’ve got some great movies here, The Matrix, Lord of the Rings, Top Gun." Then, when I decide that I’m gonna sit down and watch one, all of a sudden it’s, "Man, I’ve seen The Matrix like 90 times, I can’t watch that! And Lord of the Rings is 4 hours per movie! And I can’t watch Top Gun by myself, that’s a little questionable, especially that volleyball scene!" So you end up watching a movie you haven’t seen or one you know is horrible just because you can’t bring yourself to watch one of the good ones.

So a few weeks ago, I was sitting there eating popcorn out of my jacket while watching Speed 2: Cruise Control. And I realized two things. First, Willem Dafoe is the scariest actor I’ve ever seen in my life (he’s like a human-sized evil elf). And the second thing I realized was that I make ridiculous faces when I watch movies. I was home alone and watching a really bad movie that I had very little interest in. But I was grimacing when the "suspense" was "building." And I found myself making the same faces as the actors when they were "conveying emotion." (Are the sarcastic air quotes translating here?)

So I later asked my wife if I did the same thing when we watch TV together. At first, she just laughed. And that confirmed my suspicions. But, then she explained that I’m the only person she’s ever known who does that and how funny everyone finds it. And apparently, I’m well-known for making faces when I watch stuff on TV! My "loving" wife just laughs along with all my "friends" and points it out to people who haven’t noticed it! All this time, I thought she had my back. Now I'm gonna have to watch all my movies by myself. Or maybe I should start wearing a ski mask when we have people over for movie night.