Thursday, October 8, 2009

The Camera Subtracts Ten Pounds

So I think I've figured out why it's hard to lose weight. Because I always thought it was a combination of my love of food, hatred of exercise, and general laziness. But it turns out, it's something else (coupled with my obvious denial). It's the discouragement I feel when I look at pictures of my former self.

The advent of better technology (like the digital camera) has made it possible for me to delete photos that emphasize my size. So if I take a bad picture, I can delete it and leave the better ones. The problem is that people always look at the pictures later and say, "You were a lot thinner in this picture." And they never realize what that means. It never occurs to them that their implying I've gotten fatter, and that they're basically telling me that I am a walking "Before" shot while all my old pictures are the "After" shots. And I even get this comment the week after the picture is taken. I miss the days when a lazy friend would take a picture, and I knew they wouldn't get it developed for at least 3 years. Now my picture can be on facebook in three minutes. I can't stop that kind of speed. My only other option is to stop destroying the evidence and leave the pictures on the camera. So I can't win. Either people always know how fat I am because they have photographical proof, or they think I've gained weight constantly.

Of course, the real reason it's hard for me to lose weight is because I love food. All kinds of food. And I'm lazy, so I don't like exercising. I mean, it would be fun if I could exorcise... but not exercise (wordplay!).

I guess I'll just have to find a way to look thinner all the time. Because I can clear camera memory, but I can't clear human memories (wordplay again!). On a purely unrelated note, does anyone know if there's a man's version of a girdle? (Maybe something called a "boydle"?)

No comments: