Monday, October 26, 2009

This Is My 100th Post - And It's Not Very Good

I burned my tongue this morning. And now my mouth tastes like I licked an envelope. It's a little numb and really unpleasant. I'm sure that there's a direct correlation between coffee temperature and desire for coffee. Because the more badly I need caffeine on a Monday morning, the hotter the coffee is when I take my first sip. Kinda dragging and just want something to drink in the morning? Cold coffee. Bloodshot eyes and mumbled speech after 3 hours of restless sleep? Lava coffee.

This is yet another instance where I can never get something just right. I'm like the first two parts of Goldie Locks. Too hot, too cold. Too hard, too soft. Too much, too little. I go through an entire box of cereal and most of the milk, just trying to find the perfect ratio of the two for my bowl. I have four pounds of deodorant on one arm and a thin, worthless layer on the other. So depending on which side of me you're sitting on, you might think I work at the department store cologne counter or an underground sweatshop.

If I could just average out my mistakes with my successes, I could consider myself a success. It's like being bipolar with everything but my emotions. That's why some people who meet me think I'm an idiot, but others think I'm a certifiable genius (okay, that's just my son, but still). I remember in junior high school that I made a stupid mistake on a group assignment in science class and the girl I was working with thought I was a complete moron. And then I got nervous every time I talked to her or worked with her, so I just made it worse. I always dropped stuff and used the wrong words for stuff. And at the end of the year, I had the highest grade on the last test and she was shocked. I'm sure she thought I was the Rain Man or something like that.

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