Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Just Shoot the Messenger

Apparently my siblings shouldn't be allowed to send text messages.

My older brother abbreviates everything, even things that don't have a common abbreviation. He does it so heavily that I feel like an NSA code breaker.

What he texts - "hdd 2 no. ill tda. neg5 w chll up thr. btr tk big jkt! tc. hlof ths wknd."
What he means - "Headed to Northern Illinois today. Negative 5 wind chill up there. I'd better take a big jacket! Take care. Have lots of fun this weekend."

I end up having to call him to find out what he's talking about. And since none of his text messages ever contain important information, I sound like a jerk for berating him about a well-wishing text.

But if there's one thing I can't handle, it's the one-word text. Nothing tells someone how little you care about their text message rates as a text that includes only the word "cool" or "ok". Add an interesting fact... or a link to your favorite website... or a hilarious joke. Something! Or just don't answer. When I get a one-word text, all I see is a nickel dropping into a storm drain.

My younger sister's texts are pretty bad, too. She just doesn't understand how the English language works. Her form of abbreviation is simply skipping the subject of each sentence. And she has some kind of issue with the words "you" and "your". Add in the accidentally-skipped letters, randomly-capitalized words, and ambiguous questions, and I don't have a chance at deciphering it.

What she texts - "am doing some clenng. Wan go thru old stuff fist. am her til Non. be her then?"
What she means - "I'm doing some cleaning. Do you want to go through some of your old stuff first? I'll be here until noon. Will you be here before then?"

My solution here is to just ignore it. My younger sister will eventually call if it's important enough. She knows not to rely on a text message for an answer. I hope there never comes a time when she texts me from the next room because she can't speak. I'll probably get a text that says, "am chkng. know himelik?" and she'll be doomed.

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