Friday, July 10, 2009

The Man Test

Are you wondering if you're a real man?

Do you need help figuring out what a man would do in a certain situation?

Take the following 10 question test.
It's easy, it's fun, and it's free!

1. When you find yourself looking over the ledge of something extremely high (like a cliff, tall building, or stairs), do you A) say "whoa!" B) remark to your friend that it's too scary or C) spit and count how many seconds it takes to reach the ground?

2. When you go into the bathroom for number 1 and find that there are five "porcelain wall-mounted liquid waste receptacles" (for Google search purposes, I’m trying to avoid using the word that sounds like "yer null"), and one man is stationed at the closest receptacle, do you A) take the one right next to him B) take the 3rd one or C) take the farthest receptacle from him for fear of doing number 1 within two feet of another person?

3. When you pass a mirror and no one is looking, do you A) smile and check your teeth B) make sure your hair looks okay and check for wrinkles in your clothes or C) flex and growl?

4. If someone you're dating asks where the relationship is going, do you A) say, "I'm so glad you brought that up. I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately." B) say “Baby, you know I love spending time with you. I see no reason why we can’t go the distance." or C) feign a coughing spell, run to the bathroom, crawl out the window, and dump her via a text message within the hour?

5. If you accidentally hit a dog on a neighborhood street, is your first reaction to A) Jump out of your car and immediately dial 9-1-1 B) check the dog's level of injury and go door to door to find the owner or C) make sure there’s not slobber or blood on your front bumper?

6. If you pass a coworker's office and see 20 to 30 closed boxes stacked up against the walls, do you ask the person A) if they’re moving to another office or job B) if they need help packing or moving anything or C) if they want to close the door and build the awesomest fort ever?

7. If your spouse asks you what you think about their new $50 shirt, do you A) have them try it on with different items to see how it looks B) feel the material and hold it up to their neck or C) stop listening after they say “fifty dollars” and quickly ask about the receipt/return policy?

8. If you go into a bathroom and realize there’s not any soap, do you A) leave at once and find another bathroom B) decide you’ll rinse with water and seek out some hand sanitizer when you leave or C) fail to notice the lack of soap because it’s not on your bathroom requirement checklist.

9. When you’re mad at your significant other and you want them to guess why you’re upset, do you A) say, “If you don’t know, I’m not going to tell you.” B) give some sarcastically-worded clues when they get close (“No, why would I ever be upset about a text message from your ex-boyfriend?”) or C) realize that it’s stupid for someone to have to guess why you’re upset and immediately get over it?

10. If you’re attending a wedding and see a 6-foot tall, 5-tiered wedding cake with painstakingly intricate floral designs subtly etched on each layer, do you wonder A) who made the cake and how much it costs B) if the icing is fondant or buttercream or C) if they’ll let you have three pieces if you pretend you’re getting some for other people?

If you answered "C" to any of the previous questions, you're well on your way to manhood. If you answered "C" to all of the previous questions, then congratulations! Your man card is in the mail!

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