Monday, July 27, 2009

(Yes... On His Shoulder)

I think my older brother should seriously consider laser hair removal. Or maybe he should just consider wearing a shirt more often. There aren’t many things more disturbing than shoulder cowlicks. Seeing that is the kind of thing that makes you wish some people had a poor body image. At least they’d be properly ashamed of their appearance. But no... the people who most need to cover up seem to be the ones most comfortable showing their oddities. I don’t know if there’s an unspoken code among the hairy people that says shirts are optional for them. Do they just not fear the sun because of their natural UV barrier? Or is it a deep-seeded need to make others feel awkward around them? Try to have a serious conversation with a shirtless hairy man. It’s impossible. Words keep popping into your head that prevent you from forming a coherent sentence. It’s hard to respond to a question about politics when all you can think are the words hair, fur, and shedding. And he has to know what he’s doing to people.

I’m pretty sure that in my brother’s case, he does that kind of thing just to shock people. He’s always trying to give people a story to tell their friends. If the person can start their next conversation with, "You'll never believe what just happened..." then he's happy.

And the hair display is just the beginning. He does all sorts of crazy, weird things to mess with people:
For one, he started adding "right in your face" to the end of his sentences to "spice things up."
Bland Sentence: "I'm going to fax these reports."
Intense Sentence: "I'm going to fax these report RIGHT IN YOUR FACE!"

He also "answers" automatic toilets. He says that when an automatic toilet flushes, he pretends that it's yelling, "Don't you walk away from me!" So regardless of who's in the bathroom, he yells (back), "I'll do whatever I want! Quit trying to run my life!"

1 comment:

Katie said...

I love reading your blog. It's hilarious! And I love you!