So I may or may not have just clogged the toilet, semi-flooded the bathroom, and had to run to the warehouse to find the mop and bucket so I could clean it up before people started getting back from lunch. I may or may not have done all that (but I definitely did just do that).
See, I flushed and walked away like normal. But I realized that I hadn't heard the water exit through the bottom. So I glanced back to see water pouring over the rim of the bowl. Luckily, I am a big believer in courtesy flushes, having executed one about 5 minutes prior, so the water was completely free of... additional contents. But judging by the brown color of the mop in the warehouse, others have not been as lucky in the past. And also luckily, I had the presence of mind to take the lid off the tank and grab that little black bulb thing so the water wouldn't keep coming. The only problem is that the moment I grabbed the bulb, I had been in the stall for exactly 9 minutes and 59 seconds. So precisely one second after I grabbed the bulb, the timer-configured lights in the bathroom went out.
So there I was, with a foot on either side of the ever-growing lake on the floor, holding a ten-pound porcelain tank lid with one hand, and clutching a slippery rubber bulb in the other... all in the pitch-black company bathroom. You might think at this point I would just give up. Put the lid on the seat, release the bulb, step in the water, and walk out to turn on the light. But no. I shifted the tank lid under the arm that was holding the bulb, reached in the side pocket of my carpenter's jeans (it's casual day and I don't keep up with jean styles), and pulled out my cell phone. This allowed me enough light to open the stall and wave at the motion sensor. Then, when the light turned back on, I used our 79 cent plunger to unclog the toilet (which took 57 plunges because of the cheap plunger and I kept spraying more water on the floor). Then I discreetly asked the nice lady in the office around the corner where the mop and bucket were.
It could have been much worse, I guess. I could have kept walking, washed my hands, and left the bathroom without even noticing the problem. Or I could have lost my balance and slipped on the giant pool of toilet water. But none of that happened. I came out relatively unscathed. The only embarrassing part was the group of people who happened to be talking in the hall outside the bathroom. They got to see me wheel the mop and bucket past them into the warehouse. So I'm gonna spend the rest of my day trying to locate my dignity.