Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Lower Expectations. Everyday.

I had my pre-employment drug-screening yesterday. I've already logged 22 workdays, received two paychecks, sang "Happy Birthday" to a coworker, and attended two company-wide meetings. But I just had my pre-employment drug screening. So my question is this; are my employers just really laidback about the drug test or did they observe some kind of behavior in me that made them think I might need a drug test? I sincerely hope it's not the second option. I mean, I know I'm weird sometimes, but I don't think I'm so weird that people would assume I'm on drugs.

Speaking of random subject changes....

I went to Wal-Mart on my lunch break today to buy some new Hanes t-shirts (a flash-mob of ants decided to chew through our collection of white laundry).  And I made the mistake of wearing a blue polo and khakis today.  I usually catch that when I go to Best Buy, but I forgot about Wal-Mart.  So I had two packages of Hanes products and I was perusing the computer accessories aisle.  And if you're carrying products through the store without a cart and wearing a blue polo (untucked), then you look like a Wal-Mart employee.  So I helped her find the cell phone counter and then left the area quickly in case she had a more difficult question.  I've found it's simpler to ask them what they need rather than embarrass them by saying, "Uh, I don't work here, you stupid old hag."  People don't take too kindly to being yelled at by a stranger in accidental uniform.

But she figured out pretty quickly that I wasn't an actual employee.  I was standing in plain view, wearing a clean shirt, and I was polite and helpful.  And I've never met a Wal-Mart employee that matches that description.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

And now, I'll be unsubscribing from your feed on behalf of the 2.1 million worldwide Walmart employees, at least a quarter of which are wearing clean shirts and are polite and helpful.

Taylor said...

I didn't say there aren't any who fit that description. I just haven't met any of them. (Please don't unsubscribe!)

Lindalou said...

Not being a Walmarter....I enjoyed the post. Hope you don't lose a reader, cause it was funny.

Landry said...

The only nice people I've met at Walmart are the elderly greeters next to the door. I'm pretty sure some of them are veterans from the Civil War.

AFWingMom said...

You didn't say that there weren't any....and I for one love your humor. The phrase "accidental uniform" has now been added to my random dictionary. Keep enjoying life ~ I love riding along with you.

RobbynW said...

I came here from Cake Wrecks, and I have to tell you I cried I laughed so hard at this post. You may have lost one follower, but you gained another here, love your sense of humour!