Don't Ewok The Boat

I was stunned to find out recently that my younger sister had never seen any of the Star Wars films. Not one movie, not one scene, not one classic moment ("I am your father."). So my quotes, references, and witty wordplay are totally lost on her ("What do you mean 'That's the way the wookie mumbles'?").

Then I realized that it might be a good thing that she hasn't seen them. Because she has this habit of destroying childhood favorites and ruining some of my cherished movies. And that's because finding logical flaws in fantasy or sci-fi movies is apparently her hobby. She kinda messed up Lord of the Rings for me when she pointed out that the orcs' teeth would make it impossible for some of them to close their mouths. So certain things they were saying were physically impossible since their lips don't touch. Now, every time I watch one of those movies, that's all I can think about. And it drives me crazy. She's destroying my suspension of disbelief!

I tried to do the same thing to her movies, but it's impossible. I pointed out that people don't randomly break into choreographed songs about day-to-day activities, but she said it was fine since Legally Blonde 2 was just a sequel. I tried to show her that movie plots are supposed to make sense and have a logical conclusion, but she said it didn't bother her because Mandy Moore had finally taught her "how to deal". And I tried to tell her that coincidences that keep happening with two people don't happen like that in real life, but she said that Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan just belong together, so it works.

But somehow, she can cut through the epicness of my favorite films with one sentence and break my heart with a well-placed comment. So I'm sure if she saw the Star Wars movies, she'd tell me that Jar Jar Binks was her favorite character, Darth Vader's voice changed too much when his mask was removed, and Ewoks would be unable to sustain their own lives if their physical proportions were as depicted in the films. So I'm gonna make sure she never sees those movies. I don't want her to ruin them too. Plus, Ewoks are cute. So it works.