Rub His Nose In It

My older brother likes to compare having a dog to having a child. And being someone who's had experience with both, I get pretty mad when he tries to equate the two. So when I talk about how my kids made a mess, he talks about how his dog makes messes. Or if I say that my son is just trying to get attention by acting out, he says his dog has been doing that too. And it's really hard to talk to him about it because I have to fight off the urge to slap him. But I think he really needs to know that there is a huge difference between raising children and owning a pet. That's why they don't call it raising a pet, and I'm legally not allowed to call it owning a child.

Here's my main example. With a dog, potty training has a pretty good safety net. If all else fails, put the dog outside. But the neighbors give me dirty looks when I take my kid out on a leash to poop in the yard. So I have to deal with diapers and wipes and training potties and germs and emergency potty breaks that involve a game we call "don't-touch-anything-because-this-WalMart-bathroom-smells-like-bad-decisions-and-hepatitis." But dog-owners don't have all that. Worse case scenario for them is bagging up some doodoo in the living room and busting out the carpet cleaner.

So I yelled at my brother the last time he compared kids to dogs. But then I got carried away and swatted him with a newspaper and locked him in the laundry room.