Thursday, September 10, 2009

Scratch and Dent Center

My older brother is a pretty big guy. He's also a bit of an idiot sometimes. You've probably seen those shirts that say, "Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups." My older brother always switches that around and says, "Never underestimage the power of large people in stupid groups." And that rings so true for him. If he's in a group of easily-entertained people, he always does something monumentally stupid.

When he was in high school, he found himself in just that situation. He was hanging out after marching band practice (I know, what a loser!) with a bunch of his trombone buddies, and he had the brilliant idea to take a running start and sprint over the top of his car. Forgetting the fact that he's roughly the size of a mammoth (and twice as hairy - although that's irrelevant), he planted a size 15 foot into the hood and then his other foot through the windshield. I don't know what he thought would happen. Maybe he thought if he ran fast enough, his weight wouldn't matter. Like those lizards that run on water. Or when you run your hand through a candle flame really fast. Then, because his brain apparently came loose due to his blinding speed, he stood on the roof of the car to survey the damage. So his giant feet added some denting to the top of the car too.

And of course, this was the 1994 Geo Prizm that I would later inherit from him when he bought his own car. He paid for the windshield, but my parents decided the dents were not as important to fix. So I had to tell people why my already busted-up car had weird, oval dents all over it.

Then one of my other older brothers decided it would be funny to do a Dukes of Hazzard slide over the hood while I was stopped in front of him at a red light. And having no experience whatsoever in "hoodslides", he slammed his hip into the side of the car and rolled down the hood onto the concrete, adding larger dents and possibly some blood. And if it hadn't been so funny, I'd probably be just as mad about that one.

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