Tuesday, September 22, 2009

I Got To Use The Term "Ninja Paparazzi" In This Post

I've had to start purposely noticing people's eyebrows. And I know that sounds weird. But I've been in way too many conversations that start with someone saying, "Wow, did you see that guy?" And I never have any idea what they're talking about. Then it's always too late because by that point all I can see is the back of their head. So I either have to run ahead of some stranger and look back to see what I missed, or I have to once again miss out on the fun in judging people. I really noticed my brow-blindness when I was watching a TV show the other day. There was this guy with bushy eyebrows, and the hosts both said "Whoa!" at the same time. And it wasn't until they started calling him "Brows" that I noticed the beasts riding below his forehead. So now I have a checklist of humorous things to look for when I see someone. Number one on the list is eyebrows. Then comes nose hair, teeth, haircut/hairpiece, clothes, and shoes (or lack thereof). I've had to start training myself to notice those key areas. And then I go practice at the most viable resource for crazy-looking people available to me... Wal-Mart.

That's good training ground, too. It's like shooting fish in a barrel. Ernest Borgnine (<----) lookalike with silver caterpillars over his eyes? Yep, I saw him. Crazy lady with two different shoes trying to pay for a $2 barbeque sandwich with a personal check? Totally spotted her. Guy with combover consisting of three strands of hair with his "part" is directly above his ear? Saw him, laughed, snapped a picture with my camera phone (like a ninja paparazzi).

It's so much better this way. Now I don't feel left out when everyone with me starts laughing at someone. I can finally be part of the self-righteous elitism we disguise as "people-watching." See, peer pressure can be a good thing! I feel better about myself because I can insult strangers now! And noticing details makes me feel like I'm on CSI or something. I'm not sure if I could help solve crimes by pointing out the one guy in public who's accidentally wearing women's pants, but I'm guessing it couldn't hurt.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

You might not be able to solve crimes, but you could totally send your pics in to
peopleofwalmart.com so we can all laugh with you :)