Tuesday, September 8, 2009

You Can't Sneeze With Your Eyes Open

My older brother seems to know everything. It always seems that I think I know something and I'm 99% sure about it. And if I'm arguing with him, then the one percent chance that I was wrong is pretty much guaranteed to be true. This happened this weekend:

Me - "Man, I go through toothpaste so fast."
Him - "Well you're probably using too much. My dentist told me that you only have to use about a pea-sized amount."
Me - "Uh, no. It says to use about an inch of toothpaste."
Him - "I'm pretty sure you're wrong. And you're an idiot."
Me (marching into the bathroom, walking back into the room with my toothpaste) - "Okay, it says 'Directions: apply a one-inch strip of toothpaste to a soft-bristled brush.' See?! I told you!"
Him - "Well of course that's what Crest is going to tell you. I was talking about my dentist. Not the suggestion from the company selling me toothpaste."
Me - "Oh. Well... but... whatever dude."

And I really hate being wrong. It makes me feel like a complete moron. And you'd think with all the times I'm proven wrong that I'd keep my mouth shut, but nope. I just keep plowing through logic and spitting out ridiculous statements before thinking them through. I don't bother verifying anything. That's a job for NASA... or the Mythbusters. I just spout stuff off like I'm an authority until inevitably someone calls me on it. And then I'm the idiot again.

It all started when I was a kid.
"You know, you can spin all the way around the bar on the swingset if you get a good push?"
My source for this one was always a friend whose brother had done it. I didn't need silly physics for that. But my older brother recently showed me the Mythbusters episode that proved this wrong and killed one of my childhood dreams.

And now in the age of Youtube and search engines, I can be proven wrong quicker and more thoroughly than ever before. Impossible for a 400 pound man to dunk a basketball? Here's a video of him doing it. Dogs can't see colors? Here's a scientific study and doctoral thesis stating otherwise. No such things as vegans? Here's a website dedicated to them. I guess I'll just keep being wrong. Especially since the alternative would mean researching stuff before I say it.


Jill said...

Yay, I made it!

Taylor said...

Yeah, sorry that I have to refer to you as a "him." Just trying to keep the theme going.

AFWingMom said...

I wouldn't say that you're technically wrong on anything....think of it as research or perhaps you are an anonymous contributor to myth busters.