Wednesday, February 3, 2010

All That And A Bag Of Chips

I usually bring my lunch in a plastic grocery bag. And because my wallet is about 2 inches thick and makes me sit at an angle, I throw that in the bag too. I also toss in my iPod, headphones, and any other paperwork I might be transporting from home. So it gets pretty full. And I don't necessarily want to carry a Wal-Mart sack, but I kinda have to.

My dilemma is that I'm not important enough at my job to carry a briefcase, so people would think I'm weird if I did that. And I'm way too old to be wearing a backpack (if you're not in school, stop kidding yourself). Plus, I'm not quite crazy enough for a fanny pack or "secure" enough for a man-purse. I would bring one of the two insulated lunch bags we have at the house, but one is anagrammed with my son's name, and the other is actually an insulated breast pump case. So people would either think I'm stealing a coworker's lunch or stealing a single mother's breast pump. Which is why I'm stuck with the grocery bag.

Some days my lunch is really big (which is why I'm overweight). This morning I brought a few leftovers, a roll, a bag of chips (yes, an entire bag), and a jar of homemade salsa (yes, an entire jar). So a plastic bag wasn't gonna cut it. And if I carry two bags into work, it looks like I went to the store on the way there, which is weird.

Okay, so flashback to a few months ago... my wife bought some of those reusable grocery bags at the store. Not because we particularly care about the environment. It's just that they don't rip as easily if the 16 year-old grocery sacker puts 48 cans of soup in one bag. But every time we go to the store, we forget we have them. So they've sat in the Stow-N-Go in our minivan Corvette since then. Well, this morning I remembered them. So I grabbed one to put my massive lunch in. Pure genius, right? The only problem is that it makes it look like I'm one of those "green" hippie Al Gore people who are always trying to "do their part" by driving a Prius and making their own compost for their backyard vegetable gardens. And the last thing I want is people thinking I believe in global warming or that I care about anything but myself. So I think the part of the bag that says "earth sound: doing our part" will soon be covered by camouflage duct tape. Or maybe a rebel flag. That'll show 'em.

6 comments:

Alex Getts said...

Get a Jack Sack! It's (kind of) a manpurse, but it's the same one used by Jack Bauer in Season 5 of 24. No one can make fun of that due to the massive amount of destruction it helped create!
I think you can find it on Amazon by simply searching "Jack Sack."

Lindalou said...

I too, have the reuseable bags, which more often then not...sit in the trunk of my car. I do have good intentions, but just no memory.

I got mine bags at the hardware store, so they just say Ace Hardware. They are also a manly brown. Maybe try a different store for your bag. Just a suggestion..although Alex's Jack Sack sounds...scary, but possibly an option.

AFWingMom said...

I could crochet you a bag if I ever get that good at crocheting. It's proving to be a bit of a process so in the mean time I like Lindalou's idea and Alex the Jack Sack sounds mildly offensive. I can think of a couple of other words that can be thrown in front of sack and then there's a whole different issue he would have to deal with. But then maybe we could create a cause PAJSB = People Against Jack Sack Bullies or something like that. I am rambling, I'll go take some more Nyquil and go back to sleep. ;)

Josh said...

Dude, you should totally start carrying a briefcase, man purse, backpack, and a Jack Sack to work all at the same time.

Alex Getts said...

In defense of the Jack Sack, I think the sack is being misconstrued. The "Jack Sack" is a nickname very lovingly used to refer to Jack Bauer's man purse used in Season 5 of the TV show "24". It's renowned for being like Batman's utility belt, always containing the right instruments to get the job done. Believe me, it's not intended to be offensive in any way, and I am sorry if it was construed as such! My Jack Sack is relatively harmless, other than the fact that it weighs a ton, considering how many books for school I have in it right now.....

AFWingMom said...

Hey Alex - ummmm I was totally just joking about being offended so everything is cool with me. I was just thinking if he worked some of the places I've worked then they will use ANY excuse to become offensive. Know what I mean? And I'm glad you're proud of your Jack Sack. :)