Tuesday, February 16, 2010

A Simple Procedure

I got to thinking the other day while I was packing for a 10-hour car ride the next morning. And I realized that long drives and outpatient surgery are very similar. Yes, I'm absolutely aware of how random and insane that comparison seems, but try and stick with me here.

First of all, both long drives and outpatient surgeries are unpleasant things. But part of you gets a little excited about it. So while you may be stuck in one place for hours upon hours, at least you're not at work. And maybe you can pass the time doing something you never get to make time for. Like read a book, or watch all three Ocean's movies in one sitting, or maybe just take a mid-morning nap when you aren't even tired.

Second of all, they're both a little nerve-racking. No matter how well you plan, you don't know how bad the next day is gonna be. You could be required to share a tiny space with a sniffler or a farter. Or your Ocean's marathon may be constantly interrupted by the person who just has to talk every four and a half minutes. Not that I'm naming names or anything (Landry), but sometimes it's okay just to sit quietly!

And the thing that really got me thinking about the connection between road trips and surgeries was something more specific to me. You see, I have a bladder the size of a partially-hollowed out walnut. Which means that if I drink half a can of Diet Coke, I will need to stop for a potty break six minutes after lunch and six more times before dinner. And even just thinking about having to go to the bathroom makes me feel like I have to go to the bathroom. So I become the king of the "false alarm" pit stop. As you can imagine, that really annoys the people I ride with. So I have to plan ahead the day before. I don't allow myself to eat or drink anything after midnight on the eve of a big trip. And the only liquids I consume whilst on the trip are the ones necessary to prevent me from choking.

So there you have it. That's how I think long drives and outpatient surgeries are similar. Now if you'll excuse me, all this talk about potty breaks has set off my urge to pee.


Bekah said...

Oh man. That makes me dread our 20+ hour drive to Minnesota/North Dakota this summer. Not good. Especially since Enrique is a farter. Ew.

Lindalou said...

Can totally see how you came up with this connection. Very logical actually. Although I hope your aren't napping or reading while you are driving. Feel free to watch the 2nd Ocean movie while driving. The roads make more sense that that movie.

AFWingMom said...

Bekah-the key to your trip will be good ventilation. Good thing you're traveling during the summer & not winter. You could crack the windows.
Lindalou-he could be napping a la Michael Scott!

....and random connections are just glimpses into a brilliant mind.