The Donut Thief

When is it appropriate to steal leftover donuts at work? I assume I'm good if I wait until 3:00pm. And I don't mind eating donuts in the afternoon. But then they'll think I'm the weirdo who wants stale donuts. Which I realize is a strange thing to say I'm ashamed of since I'm openly admitting it on this blog post. But anyone who reads this blog already knows I'm a weirdo because I write untrue stories online for the enjoyment of complete strangers.

So anyway, the problem is that I don't know when the donuts become free-for-all community donuts. I obviously want one before lunch because that's when they're still fresh. So if I arrive at 7:00, the donuts arrive at 7:30, and lunch is at 11:00, then my window is 7:30 to 11:00 (clearly, I have a dizzying intellect - but wait til I get going!). You'd think two and a half hours would be enough time. But the people who bring the donuts work on the other side of a cubicle wall. And they're all really short. So I can't really do any covert reconnaissance from my area. And that's why the window of opportunity is not large enough. It's all about timing, not time. I have to fully commit and go down their aisle in order to snag one. So once I start the walk, there's no turning back. And I can't be labeled as the donut thief again. That's what made my last job so horrible.

So to avoid being perceived as a weirdo or creep, I've decided to set up a hidden camera on their row when they're not there. Then I'll carry around a portable TV with a live feed, so I can monitor the box until the coast is clear. I think the presence of surveillance equipment turns creepy donut-stalking into an official citizen's stakeout. And that's not weird or creepy. Right?