That's Just Sick

Being sick will make you do some crazy things. I've slept on the tile of a bathroom floor, duct-taped an ice pack to my forehead, and taken those "only-psychotic-people-would-do-this" cold showers when I have a terrible fever. But I've never done anything crazy cool when I'm ill. I've never scored 38 points in an NBA playoff game like Michael Jordan did with the flu. And I've never been able to feel earthquakes and move things with my mind like John Travolta did with that weird brain tumor in Phenomenon.

In fact, most of the time, I swing the other direction. I just do really stupid stuff. I can't tell you how many times I've put my shirt on inside out or backwards when I'm sick. And last week I did something else kinda stupid. My wife was running errands around town, and (because I'm a typical man) I decided I was well enough to go along. So at Wal-Mart, I needed to go potty (the real term escapes me because all we ever say at my house is "go potty"). In a sick-induced haze, I walked into the bathroom while ignoring the "Closed for Cleaning" sign. And in my defense, my past experiences with Wal-Mart bathrooms have trained me to believe that they are never actually cleaned. So maybe subconscious me was partially to blame for this, too. Anyway, I went potty and when I was washing my hands, I noticed someone lurking in the largest stall. And he was wearing women's shoes! My obvious reaction was to get my camera phone ready so I could get a good shot of him once he came out. But he just stood there, right out of sight with the stall door open.

So I chanced a glance as I exited and saw a very shocked-looking older woman with yellow gloves on, her eyes wide from having stood in the bathroom while a man went potty. So I had to try to reason in my head why that man had so suddenly turned into a cleaning lady. Then I loudly tripped over the "Closed for Cleaning" sign on my way out. Then I told my wife I had to go home and get in bed.