My Fingers Are Perpetually Pruny

My wife gets mad at me because I take such long showers (sidenote: I just horribly misspelled the last word of that sentence and somehow typed "whoress" on the first try). And I always have to defend my time getting clean. And I was thinking about that this morning as I entered the 35th minute of my shower. Shouldn't she be more concerned with insanely short showers? Think about it. If I take long showers, that means I'm spending more time becoming a cleaner person. If I'm in and out in two minutes, people would start to question my commitment to cleanliness because of my stink. And nobody wants that.

Plus, I don't know what she thinks I'm doing in there. It's not like I'm reading a book. I'm a big guy, so I have a lot of surface area to cover. At 6'3" and weighing in at 265 pounds... "in his third season in the NBA... a guard from the University of North Carolina... number twelve... TAYLOR..." sorry, I got carried away. What was I saying? Oh yeah, at 6'3" and weighing in at 265 pounds, I have more of me to clean than the average person does.

So it's really just a math problem. If the average person takes a 15-minute shower and I'm twice the size of an average person, I would conceivably take a 30-minute shower and be well within reason. Add in the fact that I shave my face in the shower, and I'm still sluggish from being asleep... and hitting the 40-minute mark isn't out of the question. Plus, if I do want to read a book, that's the only place I can concentrate.