Cult Classic

I'm pretty sure I could start a cult. And it's not because I'm charismatic or that I have any crazy religious beliefs. I just believe that I have the skills necessary. Because it's all about easing people into an idea. You can't start day one with your full manifesto of crazy. That scares people away too easily. And the reason I believe I could do this is because I was able to convince my wife to date and eventually marry me. Even though she didn't even like me up to and including our first date.

So let me break it down a little bit. In the same way a cult recruiter couldn't mention the poisoned Kool-Aid on the first day, I had to avoid revealing any of my crazy personality traits. If I said, "Hey, I like you. But I also like Lord of the Rings and playing video games," then I would still be alone today. So I had to almost trick her into a relationship with me. And that takes skill. In fact, the only skill I think I had in getting the girl was hiding the fact that I didn't have any skills (you know... nunchuk skills, computer hacking skills). I have no obvious athletic prowess, I was too nervous to make legitimately funny jokes, I was losing my hair at age 19, and I wasn't exactly thin. And while that may seem like a list of insults, I think of it as one big compliment. Because I was able to snag a girl that was way out of my league. And I did it despite all those traits.

And the key is baby steps. I knew that Date Number One could not include any talk of my favorite TV shows or movies or anything to do with my hobbies. Because baseball card collecting never sounds cool. So I tried to be funny, but not weird. And it worked. I got the second date and kept luring her in with my charm (and she obviously loved my awesome 94 Geo Prizm).

So take it from me. If you're gonna go after someone who you think could eventually like you (or if you're gonna start a cult), ease them into your interests and hobbies (or your manifesto). And whatever you do, don't mention an affinity for interstellar travel, whether you think it's fact or fiction.