Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Ring Of Power

I'm pretty strict when it comes to public bathroom usage.  I think three steps ahead to make sure I don't touch anything unnecessarily.  I usually grab a paper towel on the way in and put it halfway in my pocket as a backup plan in case I get to a point where I'm forced to make contact with something.  And many of you might think that's a little excessive.  But if you're a guy, you don't think that's excessive at all.  Because what a woman would call a dirty women's bathroom would be cleaner than any guys' public bathroom that has ever existed.  That's why we're never grossed out by CSI or those Saw movies or horrific injury replays on ESPN.  None of those can compare to a gas station men's bathroom in the bad part of town.  In fact, the bathroom setting of the first Saw movie is cleaner than more men's bathrooms I've seen (even with the dead body on the floor).

Well one of the things I do when I go to the bathroom is put my Texas A&M class ring in my pocket.  I ordered the ring when I weighed about 323 pounds and my fingers were a little thicker.  So it no longer fits.  And I'm holding out hope that someday I'll start working out like those Strong Man competitors and get big manly hands that will fit my ring.  That's why I haven't gotten it resized (a.k.a. laziness).  Anyway, because it's so big, when I wash my hands it will often slip right off my finger.  And that is simply not an option in a public restroom.

So last week, I took off my ring and put it in my pocket.  But I forgot that this particular pocket had a hole in it.  So my ring bounced off my phone, slipped through the hole, slid down my pant leg, and hit the top of my shoe.  I was already preparing myself for the bleach dip I'd have to do to get the ring clean enough to wear again when I realized that I hadn't heard it clang on the floor.  So I looked down (wondering if it had landed on a thick, noise-muffling patch of mold or something) and there it was, resting perfectly on the top of my shoe, just an inch or two from hitting the floor.

So now I've decided that my Aggie ring has special powers.  Or if not special powers, it at least has enough sense to recognize a germ-infested floor of death and stop short of touching it.  That's a neat feature.

1 comment:

Landry said...

Maybe you just have a big fat foot.