The Floor Exercise

We're working on getting my son not to be such a sissy. And it's a pretty frustrating process. Because while he is totally unafraid of jumping off of a 7-foot rock, he apparently can't deal with being in a room by himself. So we're working on him sleeping in his own room for the entire night.

The problem is that he used to do this, but over time he wore down our defenses and has claimed himself a semi-permanent spot in our bed. So I decided enough was enough. I asked him why he won't go to his own bed. And as it turns out, he's a huge wuss (and a rotten liar). He's always saying he's scared of something, but he's not good at picking legitimately scary things. So he tells me that he's afraid of his windows, or afraid of the dogs outside (even though there aren't dogs outside), or afraid of his door, or afraid of his pillow, or afraid of his shoes. It's pretty much whatever pops into his head when I ask him why he's scared. So my plan was to put him in his bed and promise to lay down on his floor long enough for him to fall asleep. This works like a charm until he wakes up at 4:00 and sees that I'm gone. But it's a start. And it's much better than an entire night sharing a bed with a cold-footed, kicking three year-old.

The problem now is that I'm turning into my grandmother. I fall asleep at the drop of a hat. So I can't even wait him out anymore. I almost always fall asleep before him. At first, he would just sneak past me, run to my room, and lay down on my side of the bed. And that wasn't too bad because my wife would politely tell me what happened ("Hey Stupid! He snuck past you again!"). But more recently, he stays in his bed and falls asleep. Which is good... in theory. It just doesn't turn out too well for me. Because I fall asleep too. And I don't wake up until I'm too uncomfortable to breathe. So for the past week (or three weeks), I've awakened on the floor, freezing cold, with my entire arm asleep. Then I hobble to bed, realize I have to get to work in an hour, and cry. But not because I'm a sissy. I'm just crying because my back hurts from sleeping on the floor for 7 hours.