I Can't Think Of A Better Title Than "Random Thoughts"

Sometimes, the coolest stuff in the world is the stuff that you're only allowed to get if it's by accident. Because if you give yourself a wicked-looking scar, it's self-mutilation and you need help (you crazy Emo). But if you already have a wicked-looking scar, you're really cool. And if you just happen to find some gold or other valuable stuff somewhere, it's a neat story. But if you comb the beach with a metal detector, socked feet in sandals, and that zinc paste on your nose, suddenly you're a "loser."

Why won't the lady at the convenience store hand me my drink after she scans it? I mean, I handed it across to her. And it's the only thing I bought. I feel like a tool when I reach across the giant counter to take it back when it's just sitting there next to her hand. She's probably afraid she'll get germs from me if we accidentally touch. Or maybe she thinks I'm possessed by Azazel (like Denzel in that movie, "Fallen") and I'll pass him to her.

Planning is the key. Think of something funny to say before you inhale all that helium. Otherwise, you'll just hold your breath for too long and then waste it when you pass out. Trust me on that one.

Team Conan!