The Doctor Is In

Sorry (to the three of you who read my blog regularly) about the lack of posts for a few days now. The past ten days has consisted of two funerals, two sick kids, one sick me, 40 hours in the car, and zero time in front of a computer with time to spare. The only silver lining is that my amazing wife used her amazing wifey powers to avoid getting sick so she could take care of all the whining, sniffling, crying, and temper tantrums that came her way (and the kids were hard to deal with too).

I'm no doctor, but I've come to the conclusion that I have a rare form of throat leprosy. That's the only thing that could explain the scraping pain that I feel when I swallow. It's not strep throat, because that's scary and contagious. Throat leprosy isn't scary (because I say the word "leprosy" with a British accent) and it's definitely not contagious (because I made it up).

Being sick has helped me come to the conclusion that I would make a horrible doctor. Because the only thing I want right now is a medically-induced coma. I want to be conked out until I can swallow without tears welling up in my eyes. And as a doctor, that would be my prescription for almost anything. Broken leg... medically-induced coma. Insomnia... medically-induced coma. Headache... medically-induced coma. And I'd especially over-use it for whiny patients. Sore throat with a side of self-pity... medically-induced coma. Stubbed toe with an attitude... medically-induced coma. But that would be more for my benefit than theirs.

I think the main problem would be that I'd want to use it outside of my medical practice too. Ate the last slice of pizza... medically-induced coma. Copied my boss on a mean email to me... medically-induced coma. Texting while driving... fist-induced coma.