Tuesday, January 25, 2011

The Dead Language Of Love

My older brother gave me a Latin desk calendar for Christmas. It has phrases in Latin with phonetic spellings and translations. And no where on the box did it say it had a theme. It didn't say "Funny Latin Phrases" or "Weird Latin Phrases" or even "Conversational Latin Phrases." It just said "Latin Phrases." So I put it on my desk at work and didn't think anything of it. But now I'm beginning to think it was a prank. Because after 25 days with the calendar, I've only seen Latin phrases that are related to dating (or could be construed creepily as relating to dating).

The first few days, I didn't notice it. They were innocent enough… things like "I'm just looking." And without knowing the context of the other phrases, that wouldn't mean anything. But by the second week, they were turning into outright pickup lines. ("You come here often?") And now they're getting into creepy stalker phrases, like "I'm crazy about you" or "Look deep into my eyes." And I think it's starting to creep out my coworkers.

So when I go back to work tomorrow, I'm gonna thumb through the rest of the pages and see if they get any creepier. If they do ("Your hair smells like happiness"), then the Latin Phrase-A-Day calendar people have a weirdo on their staff. Of course, it's entirely possible that this has all been planned out by my brother. It would be just like him to spend a ton of time and money on a joke like this. And if he did, kudos to him. But if he didn't, then there's one really weird calendar employee out there, working on a gem for 2012.

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