My older brother was walking through Wal-Mart recently and saw an overweight guy walking towards him with a v-neck t-shirt on. (Hey! Three hyphenated words in one sentence!) And in case you didn't know, guys really shouldn't ever wear v-neck shirts by themselves. And overweight guys definitely shouldn't wear v-neck shirts (try not to think about hairy cleavage).
Anyway, my older brother (after mentally moving past the v-neck fiasco) saw what looked to be a medallion on the guy's chest. And he thought it strange that a fat guy with a v-neck would be wearing a medallion. Granted, it's a little less strange to see that kind of thing in a Wal-Mart. But still, it was weird. So as he walked closer, he chanced a few more glances at the guy. And at about 30 feet away he realized he couldn't see a chain holding up the medallion. So he thought maybe the guy was using fishing line or something like that. But then he got close enough to see the "medallion" and realized that it was actually a very large piece of food that was caught in the man's chest hair.
Okay, let me know when you're done vomiting, so I can continue….
You good? Okay, let's continue….
Actually, there's not a whole lot I can say about that. It's self-explanatory grossness. If you're so over-confident as a hairy fat guy to unabashedly wear a v-neck in public, that's one thing. But if you can't even feel a tortilla-sized piece of food clinging to your body, that's when you have a problem.
I like to imagine the moment when he realized there was food on his chest. Was it a courteous passerby who mentioned it to him? Was it when he got in his car and looked down? Was it when he reached down at the register to pick out a candy bar and saw it fall down to his feet? I hope it was the last one. Because I bet he thought someone had thrown some food at him, and I bet he jetted up really quick to see who it was.