This post is for all the people out there reading my blog secretly. Although you're not followers and you haven't told me you read my blog and you never leave comments (except when Anonymous), I'd like to thank you. Because you've recently become my greatest comedic challenge. Because of your secrecy, my goal has become to draw you out into the open. Every time I gain a follower or see a comment from someone who's never commented before or hear from my wife that her friend's husband's ex-roommate reads a post, I feel a little better about myself.
In fact, just this thing happened last week! I found out via a comment that two friends of mine have been "stalking this blog for a while" and finally admitted it publicly. That's why I do this stupid blog!
Okay, not really. I do it for the fame and fortune. But as of yet that remains an unrealized dream. So for now, my goal is thus: to be so funny or tell such funny stories that people choose to associate themselves with me and my humor without me having to beg them.
So keep stalking, blog stalkers. I'll draw you out eventually. I'll earn your trust and win you over with my subtle charm, rugged good looks, and ironic over-confidence. And you'll have no choice but to shout it from the virtual mountaintops… "I read your blog!" And then I can work on that whole fame and fortune thing.