Tuesday, June 22, 2010

There Were Only Three Members Of Ben Folds Five

People are always asking me, "Taylor, what's the secret to your astounding success?"  And I always answer, "Well, clown-hobo/shark-man in the dream I've having, it all boils down to influence.  If you can get people to do what you want, you're golden.  Like that statue of a turtle I just saw."  And although I was unconscious when I dreamt that I said it, I really believe that.  Because the only reason I'm so well-liked and just plain awesome is my ability to persuade people to do stuff.  How else could you explain someone as pretty as my wife marrying me?  That's right, you can't.

Here are my anecdotal (and therefore clearly indisputable) examples.  For starters, I am the main reason anyone watches The Office.  The Office didn't have a following until I told every person I knew that they needed to "give it three episodes before you write it off."  The third episode was the Health Care episode and it changed everyone's mind. ("I thought you were inventing diseases.  That's Spontaneous Dento-Hydroplosion.") I humbly take all the credit for that one.  Example number 2... I convinced my wife that we needed a minivan Corvette.  It's practical, has tons of space, and gets great gas mileage.  And two days before we bought one, she said she would never buy one.  Example number 3... butter is better than margarine.  Okay, that one isn't as good an example, but if you heard the whole story, you'd understand how it fits.

So to sum up, I couldn't think of anything to blog today, so I just started typing.  (Or maybe I planned this all along and now I'm convincing you that it was spontaneous!)

P.S. - I just re-read this post, and I come off like a massive tool.  Oh well, I'll post it anyway!

1 comment:

Cap'N Randy said...

What kind of massive tool? Massive enough to fix the BP oil leak?