Thursday, June 24, 2010

Don't Think About Flatulence!

So yesterday was my first interview since learning I was being laid off (hence the lack of a new blog post yesterday).  And no matter how prepared I am for an interview or how qualified I think I am, I always get ridiculously nervous before I go in.  And yesterday was no exception.  I was sitting there in my car about 10 minutes before the interview and my stomach felt like it does when I eat burritos I buy at gas stations.  It was like food poisoning on an empty stomach.  And I tried to reason my way through it.  I was qualified, I was well-read on the company, I was dressed appropriately, I was wearing enough deodorant, I didn't have any boogers, and my breath was fresh.  So logically, I had no reason to be nervous.  But that familiar panicky feeling was still there.  And it was almost unbearable.

But I think I figured out what causes it.  Because every few minutes in the interview, I had to struggle not to make a joke.  And it truly was a struggle.  They asked me what my weaknesses were, and I had to fight off the urge to say, "Kryptonite."  And they asked what my greatest professional accomplishment was, and I had to push away the thought of saying, "I passed four donut shops on the way here this morning, and I didn't stop at any of them."

So the reason I think I get so nervous is because I'm afraid I'll "pull a Taylor" and just start cracking jokes.  And a job interview is number 2 on the list of places to be careful with jokes (number 1 is a funeral - trust me, I speak from experience on that one).

I made a couple of jokes, but nothing too over-the-top.  In fact, I wouldn't even call them jokes.  It was more like banter.  So I made a couple of banters, but nothing too over-the-top (maybe I don't understand the word "banter").  Also, the thing I'm most proud of is the fact that I didn't think about, talk about, or demonstrate anything to do with farting.  Because that's kind of a dealbreaker.  If I talk about it or demonstrate it, that's obviously a big deal.  But if I think about it, I just start giggling like a little girl.  And no one wants to hire a little girl who laughs at flatulence humor.  There are laws against that sort of thing.

6 comments:

Leah Hollett said...

If I had a company I would totally hire you so we could do obnoxious flatulence "banter". You are hysterical and I read your blog EVERYday. Just thought I'd let you know.

Ps. Good luck with the job hunt.

AFWingMom said...

I've always wanted to do something crazy in an interview but have always needed the job too badly to do any of them. After you accept a job you should go on one or two more interviews and do something crazy.

Anonymous said...

Well, congratulations! On the job, on not farting, on everything!

I Love Baby Quilts! said...

I always ask for the people's names who will be sitting in on the interview so I can google the crap out of them and find out everything. Then I can casually mention how much I love Packers football or how my mom is Ukranian, to bond, you know.

KISS (from a Rose) said...

How many Ukranian Packers fans have you interviewed with?

AFWingMom said...

There's a whole clan of Ukranian Packer's fans in East Texas.