Disproportion Control

I learned a valuable lesson last month. I learned that it's not polite to laugh at people who are disproportionate… even if you're only laughing internally. Tiny head, big body. Short arms, big head. Just accept people the way they are and don't find humor in their weirdly-shaped frames.

I was in a crowded department store doing some Christmas shopping. And in most cases, I try not to make eye contact with people in public. Some strangers are weird and think that eye contact is an invitation to an awkward conversation. So generally I don't raise my gaze above a person's elbows. Well, I was waiting at the edge of a walkway for my wife when I saw a guy close by out of the corner of my eye. So I glanced over quickly and saw it was an overweight guy wearing shorts (we can do that in December in Texas). He was about 50 or 60 pounds overweight, but it was all in his torso. He had tiny little legs and the thinnest ankles I've seen on a fat guy. I took in all of that in the half a second I glanced at him. And I shook my head and laughed internally at how ridiculous he looked. I couldn't believe someone with those proportions would wear shorts. How could he not know?

That's when I learned my lesson. I decided to chance another glance at him. And I noticed he had the exact same shoes as me. Then I looked up and saw that I was looking at my own reflection in one of the big department store mirrors.

It was an eye-opening experience. And it taught me not to judge people based on their proportionality. Because that giant guy with the mosquito ankles might be you. And I'll use this story to announce my New Year's resolution. I resolve to gain as much ankle and calf weight as I can so I can wear shorts and look proportional again.