Will Blog For Food

It's tough finding a new job.  I don't feel like my resume really tells people what they need to know.  But I can't include on my resume anything that says, "Okay, listen.  I'm really smart, and I'll learn anything you want me to learn.  And I'll learn it really fast."  But that's what it boils down to.  I wish that instead of a resume, I could send out PowerPoint presentations with embedded videos.  That would work a lot better than a sheet of paper with my work responsibilities on it.  Anyone who's looking for a new employee could see a video of me balancing a broom on my chin, and they'd hire me immediately.

And don't get me wrong.  I have a rockin' resume.  It's concise, organized, and aesthetically pleasing.  But it's hard to summarize why I'm so cool when all I have to work with are bullet points.  You gotta experience my awesomeness (and obvious humility) to really understand it.

Also, I think that whoever named them "recruiters" made a mistake. I would be more inclined to call them "false hope givers." Because once they receive your resume, they sound very optimistic. ("Don't worry, we'll find you something soon.") And they never stop sounding optimistic, even when they're sending you an email that says you didn't get the job. It's like they're saying, "It's okay, the glass is half-full. It's half-full of expired milk, but it's half-full. Also, it's not your glass."